New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
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I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
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I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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