He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
