I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
