this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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