nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
