Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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