She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
