God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
