there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
