just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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