part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
