i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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