I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
