you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
