ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
