the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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