do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm sobbing to NWA
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