tell your sister to shave her snatch
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
