apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
