i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
