I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize