Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
