I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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