hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize