I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
