i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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