I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
