I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
