she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
