Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
