The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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