My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
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She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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