After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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