If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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