And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
