Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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