I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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