Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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