nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
