Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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