he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
