Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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