i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
