There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
