don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
