Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
