super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
ttyl tear gas
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
