I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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