I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
