her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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