32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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