would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
