you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
