She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You made out with two different species that night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
