every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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