I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
