the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I checked into jail on foursquare
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
