There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
