It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
