I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
