Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
