You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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