yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
