I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
