I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
