Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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