Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
