he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
