If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
