It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
