i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
