I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
