new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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