..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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