i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
