I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
