if you like me you must not know who I am
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
