I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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