dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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