I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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