she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
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I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
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I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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